Being on The Couch or Bed is a Privilege, Not a Right

Kintsugi, was able to earn the privilege.

Now before you respond to this blog post with an angry emoji or go unfollow, listen up... Some dogs are NOT SAFE enough to be on elevated surfaces. For some dogs it is UNSAFE to have them be at eye level or above you or other members of your family. Not all dogs are the same.

I frequently see people, both owners and trainers, be bashed for not allowing their dogs on furniture. The people doing the bashing say things like “all my dogs sleep on the bed” or “all my dogs are on the couch and I don’t have any problems.” They post photos of their cute dogs sleeping in a pile like a bunch of pillows or their dogs laying on top of them snuggling. If your dogs know how to be calm and relaxed on furniture, AND you have zero issues with aggression inside of your home, then good for you! That’s great! Let your dogs enjoy the couch and the bed. But DON’T bash others for responsibly living with dogs and issues that you are lucky enough to live without.

If a dog has displayed owner directed aggression, resource guarding, aggression when startled, aggression to the children in the home, aggression to visitors, or aggression towards other dogs in the home, these are typically cases where furniture becomes off limits for the dog. It is not safe to have a dog who bites you, be on top of you. It is not safe to have a dog who startles out of sleep and attacks whatever is closest to them, fall asleep next to you. It is not safe to have a dog who resource guards, be at eye level to you. And it is not safe to have a dog who has bitten, be above their “target.”

Keeping furniture off limits is an integral part of success for a training plan in these types of situations. It prevents the dog from being put into situations of stress, prevents them from practicing dangerous behavior, prevents bites, provides some structure/boundaries that many of these dogs lack, and overall promotes the peace. If we are unable to achieve these goals, then most dogs with aggression would not be able to continue to live within their homes.

This rule is often times a forever rule but that’s not always the case. My own dog, Kintsugi, was adopted out of Miami Dade Animal Services for aggression. He was incredibly untrusting and it took a long time to build a solid relationship with him. Based on his behavior he acted like he was possibly encouraged to display aggression in the past or at the very least was not treated kindly. Something as benign as petting him for more than a few seconds, touching his collar, or walking into his space would elicit an aggressive response. The fact that he couldn’t even tolerate petting, left zero room for the privilege of being on the couch. It just wasn’t safe to have an 80lb Rottweiler at eye level or above me on a small, desirable surface area. But today, he has earned that privilege by showing he is not only tolerant but also relaxed with prolonged social contact and by having an excellent “go” command (which means move away). Now it’s a non issue, but there are still rules, and there always will be due to his level of anxiety. Some dogs don’t get this privilege back. And that’s ok. We do whatever we have to do to make sure everyone in the household is safe, happy, and at peace.

As a side note: I also encourage my clients with young puppies and hyper adolescent dogs to avoid allowing them onto couches and beds until they prove that they can be calm and relaxed near and around furniture. Otherwise, puppies usually treat couches and beds like jungle gyms. While some people don’t mind, I’m personally not a fan of having a 60lb puppy jumping onto my head and eating my hair when I sit on someone’s couch. That too, could (inadvertently) injure a person. They could get their eye or face scratched, etc. To me, it’s not worth the risk. It is much, much easier to teach your puppy or young dog to be calm first, and then give them the privilege of furniture access later, rather than try to change or eliminate the jungle gym association after it has already become a habit.

Again, it’s truly great if your own personal dogs can safely share the couch or bed with you. But please understand that that is not the case for all dogs, and that those dogs are not any worse for wear nor are they missing out. They’re doing just fine, learning how to live in a home safely.